Beaba Bib'Expresso Review: Bottle Feeding Made Easy!

If you've ever bottle fed a young infant (whether with formula or breastmilk), you know it can actually be quite a process. Now that Little Brother is bigger and we're almost done with bottles (just the before bed one left to kick), bottle prep is MUCH easier. We really don't need to heat them up and he's learned some level of patience. However, in those early days, I SO wish that I would have had the Bib'Expresso from Beaba!   

It's no secret that I had some huge struggles with breastfeeding (if you missed it, please read the series, here), that required supplementing early on. So, even though it wasn't my first choice, we had to rely on bottles almost from the get-go. No matter the manner in which a baby is fed, any parent knows that getting up multiple times a night to feed a crying babe can certainly be difficult. But, fumbling around with heating bottles, measuring water, scooping formula, etc. in the middle of the night can really be quite the task! Since exclusively breastfeeding sadly isn't an option for me, the Beaba Bib'Expresso would have been a GREAT solution to make those nighttime feedings SO much easier--especially in our new two story house! We moved in when I was 36 weeks pregnant with Little Brother (great timing, right?!). And, we REALLY did NOT want to go downstairs to the kitchen to prepare and/or heat up bottles in the middle of the night. It was hard coming up with a good solution and we tried numerous different methods. Now, the Bib'Expresso is our answer for baby #3!! (no this is NOT a pregnancy announcement ;) )

About the Bib'expresso (from Beaba)

Launched in France in early 2010, the Bib’expresso prepares, heats, sterilizes and stores baby bottles.  It simplifies the process of bottle preparation with a patented, unique water flow system that reduces air bubbles and eliminates hot spots when mixing powdered formula.  The product comes with a compact, removable bottle and food warmer that can be used to heat food jars and prepared bottles of breast milk and formula. And, the bottle storage compartment on the back of the unit also serves as a microwavable bottle sterilizer that fits up to three 10 ounce (300 ml) bottles.  The Bib’expresso also comes with a self-cleaning steam system that ensures that the unit stays sanitized.

 Sounds cool, right?! 

Our Thoughts:

Now, I will be the first to tell you that there are TONS of baby items on the market that are completely ridiculous and others are unnecessary luxury items. In reality, you can make do with very few baby items. On that note, I even shared with you how to make your own baby food without any fancy gadgets! With all that said though, it sometimes is really nice to have items that make things easier, even when they aren't "necessary" and may be a bit "luxury". The Beaba Bib'Expresso falls into that category for us--a baby convenience item that sure is nice to have around.

Since the Bib'Expresso certainly isn't cheap (MSRP: $129.95), if you're not a regular bottle user, this might not be an item on the top of your list. But, if you are, then this is definitely worth considering!!

We really did not have high expectations for this, but were very pleasantly surprised and really impressed! To prepare formula bottles, it heats up water in under a minute to the perfect temperature--Every.Single.Time!! No microwave risk, no waiting for sink water to warm up while holding a screaming baby! A quick, simple fill with water, one button touch and it's done! I really couldn't believe how fast we got perfectly heated water!

In addition, I love that it's not just for preparing formula. The top compartment can be used as a water bath (even removed) to heat up prepared bottles (including bottles of breastmilk) or baby food to the perfect temperature. For a mom like me who supplemented for many months, this is absolutely perfect!! 

The Bib'Expresso even comes with a storage compartment (the white-ish thing on the back) that doubles as a microwavable bottle sterilizer! With all those features, it makes the Beaba Bib'Expresso one pretty convenient little baby appliance! And, you can bet, once baby #3 comes along, the Bib'Expresso will live in our room each night, making those night feedings SOOOO much easier!! 

You can purchase the Beaba Bib'Expresso at many retailers including Amazon, Williams-Sonoma or of course, the Beaba site.

What "luxury/convenience" baby item is YOUR favorite?


Disclosure:  Béaba provided me with a Bib'expresso to review.  The opinions & experiences I've expressed here are solely my own and represent my honest viewpoint. Béaba, Clever Girls Collective and I promote Blog With Integrity.

Medela Pump in Style Review & GIVEAWAY!

 

After trying to breastfeed two little guys, Medela is a brand that I've become very familiar with (more so than I ever planned on)! And, I can genuinely say that I not only LOVE their products, but would not have been able to give much breastmilk to my children without them. Because of my breastfeeding struggles, I've purchased purchased Medela's Supplemental Nursing System, bottles, creams, cleaning wipes, more Quick Clean MicroSteam Bags than I could possibly count (they are one of my "must-have" baby products) and used my Medela Pump In Style breastpump round the clock for months! With Little Brother, I even rented Medela's Symphony Hospital-Grade Pump.

Thanks to Medela, I recently got to check out the new Pump in Style Advanced! 

It's a definite upgrade to the pump that I purchased over 4 years ago! Here are the specs from Medela's site: 

 

Features and Benefits:

• Daily use · double pump · electric
• Adjustable speed/vacuum dial lets mom choose her most comfortable setting.
• Removable PVC-free cooler bag with contoured ice pack keeps milk cool for up to 12 hours.
• Battery pack lets mom pump anywhere, anytime. (Optional 9V vehicle lighter adapter available).
• More milk in less time with 2-Phase Expression® technology when pumping at Maximum Comfort Vacuum™.
• Everything included in an attractive microfiber tote for fast and easy pumping.
• Helpful storage pockets for organization.
• Convenient integrated work surface for mom.
• Double pumping kit includes PersonalFit™ breastshields.
• All parts that come into contact with breastmilk are BPA-free.
• IMPORTANT:  This product is a single user item.  Use by more than one user may pose a health risk, performance questions, and voids the warranty.

What’s Included:

• Convenient microfiber tote bag
• Battery pack (8AA batteries not included)
• Removable cooler carrier
• 4 - 5 oz breastmilk bottles, lids & travel caps
• Wide base, slow-flow nipple
• 2 - 24 mm PersonalFit™ breastshields
• 2 valves
• 4 membranes
• Contoured ice pack
• Breastfeeding Information Guide
• Instructions

My thoughts:

I love the smaller, more sleek look to the bag than the previous model I had! Yet, it has WAY more storage space inside! The lighter color inside also makes it easier to see inside than the old all-black version.

I also love the feature of having a removable cooler pack! It fits into the tote perfectly with quite a bit of extra room on top!

 

So, it's not only the perfect size, but MUCH more convenient than trying to put together & bring along a separate cooler bag! The new bottles are great also! Much nicer looking than what I had (new bottles on the left, my old bottle on the right).

The only thing it doesn't come with that I think would be a nice addition is a bottle stand. While the new bottles do seem less tipsy than the old varieties, I wouldn't want to take the risk. Whoever coined the phrase, "Don't cry over spilled milk", never spilled a bottle of breastmilk that they had worked so hard to pump (ask me how I know...).  The new bottles do fit the old containers though, which is great!

Overall, this new pump is outstanding! As a mom with extraordinary difficulties breastfeeding, I know all to well the value of a high-quality pump! If you are expecting a new little one (or are already a nursing mama), I wholeheartedly recommend Medela's pumps (and their other products in general)! I've had great experiences with their customer service too!  

Now, here is the extra exciting part: One lucky Mom Endeavors reader will WIN a Pump in Style Advanced from Medela (an approximate $300 retail value)!!! Remember, even if you're not in need of a pump, this would make an AMAZING gift for a mom-to-be! 

 Congratulations lucky winner, comment #58!!

To Enter: Giveaway now closed!!
1. Simply leave a comment telling me why you'd like to win (i.e. you're expecting a new little one; you want to upgrade the pump you have; you want to give a sweet baby shower gift, etc.).

Get extra entries (leave a separate comment for each):

2. Subscribe to Mom Endeavors on Google Friend Connect (see widget on the left side bar)

3. Join Mom Endeavors on facebook (and share about the giveaway if you're so inclined)

4. Follow Mom Endeavors on twitter (and tweet about the giveaway if you'd like)

if you're already following, thank you, just make sure you leave a comment & let me know!!

(up to 4 entries per person)
Limited to US residents only. Giveaway will end on May 30th at 10pm PST. Winner with a valid entry will be selected at random using random.org. I will email the winner and post the winner on the blog. They will have 48 hours to claim their prize (make sure you leave your email address or that it is attached to your profile).

Disclosure: I was given the Pump In Style by Medela for my review. All opinions and experiences are my own. For more information, read my disclosure policy.

Favorite Baby Must-Haves & a Moby Giveaway!!

If you've set foot in any large baby store, you certainly know there is a HUGE selection of baby productions. Some totally necessary, some convenient, some fun, and some actually not that functional at all.
With two little guys, we certainly have our fair share of baby products! And aside from the obvious essentials (diapers, wipes, bottles, etc.), I have a few favorite "must-haves".

  

This picture shows two of them! The SwaddleMe and Boppy Pillow. We love these around here! The Boppy is great for feeding time, tummy time, or just a nice little place to prop a little one up! And a SwaddleMe makes it so easy to swaddle the babies! The nurses at the hospital seem to have this amazing talent for swaddling--one that my husband and I could NOT recreate no matter how hard we tried. SwaddleMe takes the guess work out and wraps them up like a "little blue burrito" (or any other color you choose).

 

A swing is another favorite. Both of my guys did well with with swings and spent a good deal of time in them until they were sitting up on their own. With Big Brother, we had a small travel swing (as we lived in an apartment). But, with Little Brother we got a Fisher Price Cradle 'n Swing on Craigslist and LOVED it!!! The different rocking motions are fantastic! And, if you think various rocking motions would be a good feature, then the Mamaroo seems like a SUPER cool swing! I've seen it in action at a store and it looks incredible!

If you read my series on breastfeeding, you know that there was LOTS of equipment involved and then, a lot of bottles. Because of that, one thing that we absolutely LOVE are the Medela Quick-Clean Steam bags! So handy and a great time saver when pump parts are being used every two hours!

 

My absolute FAVORITE product is one that I got with Little Brother (as I unfortunately didn't know about it when Big Brother was a baby)--my Moby wrap!!! Look at him all "snug as a bug" in there at 3 weeks old! :)

 I love, love, love this wrap! It's soft, it doesn't get too hot, and I can sit while wearing it--a HUGE perk! Little Brother was a rather fussy little guy and wearing him helped with that a lot! I've even done yard work while wearing him!

There are so many different ways that you can wear the Moby and it can be used until baby is 35 pounds! Little Brother is a pretty big guy and we still do great using the Moby Wrap!

In addition to their fantastic wrap, Moby has other products I love--baby legs, hats, and blankets! And, the wonderful folks at Moby have offered a FREE BLANKET GIVEAWAY! 

  

The winner will have their choice of any solid color Moby blanket (retailing for $17.95)!! And, they come with matching newborn hats! How fun is that?! If you don't have any Moby experience, the fabric is fantastic! Your little one would LOVE  snuggling in this--or it would make a GREAT gift!

WINNER!!! 

 Congratulations to "tortoise"! Hope your little guy enjoys his new blanket! Thanks to all of you that entered!

TO ENTER: Giveaway has ended!

1. Visit Moby Wrap online and tell me what color blanket you would choose. (remember, only the $17.95 blankets are eligible).

Get extra entries (leave a separate comment for each):

2. Like Moby Wrap on Facebook &/or twitter 

3. Like Mom Endeavors on facebook &/or twitter and post or tweet about this giveaway

4. Follow Mom Endeavors on Google Friend Connect (see widget on the left side bar) 

if you already are, thank you, just make sure you leave a comment & let me know!

(up to 4 entries per person)

Limited to US residents only. Giveaway will end on March 25th at 10pm PST. Winner with a valid entry will be selected at random using random.org. I will email the winner and they will have 48 hours to claim their prize.
Disclosure: This post was contains affiliate links. Moby Wrap is providing the free product in exchange for my honest review. I purchased my Moby Wrap and all other products in the post myself. For more information, read my disclosure policy.

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Work...Part 5

This is the fifth and final post in a series about breastfeeding and my very personal experience with it. If you haven't read previous posts, it might help to start with Part 1.  

Being cautiously hopeful was wise. I used the hospital grade pump for the first week we were home from the hospital and starting using the supplemental nursing system about a week after that. I was taking my herbs and drinking my mother's milk tea every night. We tried to correct all of those breastfeeding "mistakes" that were made with Big Brother. But, just like with Big Brother, there was no engorgement, no clear indication that my milk had come in. And, as the days went on, it was clear that Little Brother was growing more frustrated by nursing (as he wouldn't get enough). Given the information I had found, I wasn't surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised. Notice the key word--disappointment. Not despair, not devastation. My psyche was MUCH better this time. I was prepared to face this.  
It was a BIG help that Little Brother was a much better nurser and we were prepared emotionally & logistically from the get-go. Although nursing was still crazy painful in the beginning, we kept at it longer and it did get much easier. A HUGE improvement from the situation with Big Brother. And, my milk production improved. A couple of pumping sessions I actually produced one full ounce!! Which was (sadly) a really exciting accomplishment! That said though, I still produced no where near enough to sustain Little Brother. This time, in a 24 hour period, I was making about 4-6 ounces of milk total from pumping and a couple of times, I even got 8! In addition, I was still nursing him at least a few times a day--so he was certainly getting more ounces there. It was incredibly time consuming though--hours of being hooked up to the baby, pumps, supplemental nursing systems, and feeding bottles.

That was really difficult with a 3 year old around and he was definitely feeling neglected many times. So, Little Brother and I made it 3 months and then our time came to an end. While I certainly wish my circumstances were different, I am at least glad that we saw improvements with Little Brother. And, once again, I am cautiously hopeful that we'll see even better results with #3.

Before I became a mom, I had NO idea what a "hot button" issue breastfeeding is and would become for myself. It is such a personal decision and experience, yet one that EVERYONE seems ok with asking you about. And, furthermore, one that many are comfortable making judgments about. 
I have been given disgusted looks by moms who are nursing while I mix up a bottle of formula. I have been hurt by comments. I've been angered by articles/blogs that further the myth that "every woman can nurse" and make judgments about women who don't breastfeed, that bash formula companies and the "poison" they make. Well, that "poison" HAD to save my children from starving to death! I was once offered a sample can of formula from who I'm sure was a very well-meaning mom who said, "Do you want this? We don't use this stuff in MY house". Ugh. There was even all kinds of drama raised by some over moms writing positive reviews of the Similac Baby Journal App. 
It saddens me (and has personally added further to my feelings of failure) that some are so quick to judge or who don't seem to think about moms who would LOVE to be able to breastfeed their child, but physically can't. Dear Chrissy addressed similar feelings in a post saying, "There is no blogger (and I like this one), no activist, no commenter or outspoken Twitter user that can inflict a pain on me deeper or more profound than the absolute agony that I put myself through when I failed to breastfeed my child, but if you want, you can give it your best effort." I completely agree, but will say, that it still hurts--those comments reopen emotional wounds that run very deep.
So, there are many reasons for sharing my story (and in so much detail):
1. I want other to-be/new moms to know that no matter how badly you want to and how hard you try, breastfeeding might not be possible for you. Yes, it's rare. But, it's unfortunately true. The notion that "every woman can breastfeed" is a MYTH. Contrary to what some sources may tell you or how you might be feeling, not breastfeeding does NOT make you any less of a wonderful mom and your kiddos will be OK. 

2. I want more OB/GYNS, Mid-wives, Pediatricians, nurses, lactation consultants, etc. to be knowledgeable about breast hypoplasia and helpful to women trying to breastfeed with the condition. I want more breastfeeding resources to be HONEST and include more detailed information about conditions leading women to have difficulty nursing.

3. I want other moms and judgmental breastfeeding advocates to take a moment to stop and think before they speak (or write). Some women don't breastfeed. For some, it's a choice. For others, it's not. When you see a mom feeding a child formula, you have no idea of the circumstances. You have no idea what that mom and baby have been through on their journey. You have no idea if that was a confident decision the family made or if that mom is fragile and grieving how her body has failed her. Think about how much you love(d) nursing your baby; think about how important you think it is that your perfect food is the only thing that nourished your most precious babe for months; think about how hard it was for you the last time you nursed and that bond was over....then try for just a minute to imagine if your body wouldn't have allowed you to do that. Think about a momma who wanted desperately to do that, who envies the milk you produce, who has tears streaming down her face, still dealing with that loss and those body issues 4 years later.
So, please don't look at the formula in disgust. Please don't comment about not breastfeeding. And, please don't judge.  


Thank you for reading!
Whole series: 
Part 1
Part 2  
Part 3 
Part 4 
Part 5

Guest Post: Nursery Planning with Honeybear Lane

 Hello to all you Mom Endeavors readers!!!  

My name is Heidi and I'm super excited to be visiting today.  

I blog over at Honeybear Lane and baby bedding is my specialty.  

I create these super plush Puff Quilts. 

Here are some I've done:

I love to sew, craft, and decorate.  I frequently am asked about nursery planning ideas, so here is where I will start:

You pee on a stick.  Two lines.  Hooray!!  You're pregnant.  Once the enormity of this news has settled, you begin thinking about the second best thing about having a baby...decorating the nursery!

The best place to start with decorating a room is finding a fabric that you LOVE and pulling (or coordinating) colors to create your color palette for the room.  Sometimes you already know the colors and you can begin the hunt for the perfect fabrics.  Or sometimes you find bedding that you love and want to build the decor around that.

Best Places for Custom Bedding:
Etsy:  So many sellers on Etsy make astounding custom bedding sets.  It's the best way, hands down, to get exactly what you want.  Custom orders tend to be more expensive and take quite a while to fulfill, so you will want to place your order soon after you decide!  Don't put it off until the last second.  The thing that I love is the personal communication and the fact that you are supporting other moms like yourself.

Carousel Designs:  This is a pretty cool company.  You have a lot of freedom to customize your bedding to get nearly everything you want.  The prices are also pretty comparable to custom sets on Etsy.  The plus side is that they have very quick turnaround and you can preview what your bedding will look like.

Javis Davis:  Another custom company.  You don't have as much freedom for custom fabric selection, rather you choose fabrics from set groups of coordinating fabrics.  They have a lot of cute designs that may be good inspiration and they also offer additional nursery items--like adorable custom upholstered chairs/gliders.  They are quite a bit more pricey, however.

Other companies I love that aren't Custom:
Serena & Lily:  I adore Serena & Lily's beautiful and classic bedding choices.  Pricey though, but their nurseries are adorable.  Perfect for those of you wanting to create a soft and serene environment for your new baby.

Pottery Barn Kids
You really can't miss with Pottery Barn's stuff--it's pretty much all cute.  Expensive, so look for sale or clearance items.

Poshtots.com
Great place to find more luxurious bedding in varied price ranges.  They carry many brands.

{{And of course for the more standard bedding sets you can visit Babies R Us, ByeByeBaby, Target, Walmart, etc. }}

If you want to go with custom bedding though, you will want to get to know your fabrics.  You could consider asking the maker to create a custom fabric swatch board with your certain colors in mind.  Here are a few I've done for my customers:

Yellows, Blues, and Pinks

Oranges, Greens, and Blues

Aquas, Browns, and Pinks

As you can see, it's no small feat to come up with the perfect nursery...the choices are endless.  But one thing is for sure, you want to love it.  Don't pay a little less for something you are only 'meh' about!  And if decorating a designer nursery is not in your budget, take some time to learn how to sew and create things yourself!  

If you want to attempt to make a puff quilt like mine, I have created a very comprehensive PDF pattern.  

This pattern is very easy to follow, with hundreds of pictures and detailed step-by-step instructions.  Even a beginner will be able to get through it and end up with an awesome quilt!!  

And because I want to encourage you all to go try it, I am offering Mom Endeavors readers 25% off my pattern.  

Go VISIT MY SHOP and use the code ENDEAVOR25.  

And be sure to visit me at Honeybear Lane to tell me about your success!!

{THANK YOU Heidi for sharing your great ideas and discount on your BEAUTIFUL puff quilts tutorial! And, be sure to visit Honeybear Lane for more of Heidi's great decorating, crafting, sewing ideas!!}

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Work...Part 4: Breast Hypoplasia

This is the fourth post in a series about breastfeeding and my very personal experience with it. If you haven't read previous posts, it might help to start with Part 1. 

In the years that followed, many of my friends went through their first pregnancies and I was able to see first-hand the many changes they experienced--which were very different from what had occurred during Big Brother's pregnancy. It furthered my gut feeling that something was "wrong" with my body. And, the feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, even jealousy, often resurfaced. As happy as I was for friends who were successfully producing abundances of milk and happily nursing their babies, it was a constant reminder of what my body had failed to do.  But, everyone I spoke to (including doctors, nurses, etc.) would remind me that every pregnancy is different, so there is the real possibility that things would be different better the second time around.
Then, in the summer of 2009, the "second time around came". We happily found out that I was pregnant again (with a due date of Big Brother's 3rd birthday)!! I was desperately hoping that all the typical breast change signs would start happening. But, they didn't. As the months went by and there were no changes once again, I begin doing research--lots of research! In my quest, I discovered a condition relating to insufficient glandular tissue (IGT) called Breast Hypoplasia (also known as Mammary Hypoplasia).
Some common features include (which can vary in severity):

• breasts with an "empty sac" appearance (lack of normal fullness especially on the underneath rounded part of breasts where many lactiferous ducts/lobules are found)-can lead to a tubular shaped appearance
  
• asymmetry (two different sized breasts-often pronounced)
• wide space between breasts
• overly large areolae relative to breast size
• no change in breast size during pregnancy
• no engorgement or fullness in the typical time period after birth

It was a stunning discovery. To varying degrees, I have almost every characteristic. On the one hand, it was a relief to finally have confirmation that there was a real cause for the problem breastfeeding. The issues I had with my appearance and now breastfeeding failure were caused by an actual, scientifically-noted "problem". Yet, of course, another part of me was devastated again at the realization that something was in fact "wrong" with my body and, the confirmation that I would likely never be able to produce enough milk to exclusively feed my children. In addition, I was frustrated and angry. Why had all the books and literature I come across barely even mentioned that such issues even exist, let alone described anything about them?  Even worse, why had none of the doctors, nurses, or lactation consultants mentioned this condition when it was clear that things weren't functioning normally?  There is medical literature out there. There is a lot of information in this article detailing markers of lactation issues and this article from the National Institutes of Health even states that "Preserving the 'every woman can nurse' myth contributes to perpetuating a simplistic view of lactation and does a disservice to the small percentage of women with primary causes of unsuccessful lactation."
And, La Leche League International has a whole article to educate their lactation consultants on Mammary Hypoplasia: "In our quest to support breastfeeding mothers and their babies, we encounter few cases more tragic than those in which the mother prepares and plans to breastfeed her baby, practices optimal breastfeeding management, and has lots of support in the early postpartum days -- but never makes enough milk for her baby to thrive. Often, the mother is told by her baby's pediatrician that she needs to feed the baby artificially at once or risk serious trouble, and no one explores her milk shortage because the health care providers are focused on ensuring that the baby's nutritional status is adequate. The mother's self-esteem might suffer if she feels that her body "failed" her, and she may feel cheated of the breastfeeding relationship and nurturing she dreamed of sharing with her new baby. Worse, she may never get any answers as to why she was unable to provide enough milk for her baby. As time passes, she may wonder whether she should even attempt to breastfeed any other babies she might have." This sums up my experience almost exactly! Yet, they go on to say, "We may struggle with how, or even whether, to tell a mother that breastfeeding may be difficult for her or may take some extra work to get established." Please tell mothers!!  Otherwise, all this does is perpetuate the "every woman can nurse" myth! How I wish someone would have recognized the signs and been HONEST with me!! I am certain the emotional anguish I experienced after Big Brother's birth would have been much less and the overall experience would have been much more successful!

Knowledge is power and with this knowledge, I was able to to not only logistically, but emotionally plan for trying to breastfeed Little Brother. The goal was to correct some of the breastfeeding mistakes that were made with Big Brother in an effort to produce more milk. We rented a hospital grade pump to start using fairly soon after birth; the herbal supplements and teas were purchased to start taking sooner; a better supplemental nursing system was purchased. After Little Brother's birth, it was immediately evident that he was a better nurser. He was easier to latch, was more interested in nursing, and nursed longer. Due to his size though, there was some concern about his blood sugars and I was very concerned about going through the starving screaming issues & jaundice again, so we did some small supplementing in the hospital. Yet, I was also adamant about seeing lactation consultants and thoroughly discussing the IGT issue with them.
One was very good and explained that we were doing everything possible--to just go with it as we had planned and hope that we see an increase in supply as compared to Big Brother. I was cautiously hopeful...

(Join us for the final installment tomorrow)
Whole series: 
Part 1
Part 2  
Part 3 
Part 4 
Part 5
 

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Work...Part 3

This is the third post in a series about breastfeeding and my very personal experience with it. If you haven't read Part 1, it might help to start here.

The books talked about more stimulation and since there were still struggles with Big Brother latching, I started pumping a day (in addition to nursing). The amount? Drops. Like, seriously, nothing even measurable, just some sprayed droplets. Hmmm.
Friday morning finally came and the lactation consultant immediately commented on how difficult it was to latch him on. He barely opened his mouth and had almost no rooting reflex. She was shocked. And, thankfully, she was the first person to make it clear to me that his behavior was part of our problem. It was very clear that he wouldn't latch well and wouldn't nurse for long--neither of which are good for milk production. But, she was also concerned with my experience in pregnancy and after delivery about the changes to my breasts (or lack there of, as the case was). 
She weighed him before and after feeding. The change? None! Not even one ounce. We then tried the super-strong hospital pump she had there. The amount? Less than 1/4 ounce. She explained that this wasn't a good sign and clearly, we'd have to continue supplementing. The task now, to see if we could increase supply. The instructions--nurse him with a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS), and then pump for 20-30 minutes after each feeding. In addition, I started on a regiment of herbal supplements--Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, Mother's Milk, etc. We even talked to the Dr. about Reglan--a drug known to cause increased milk production in some. However, there have been severe depression & neurological problems reported as side effects in some and we felt that was too risky.
In the days that followed, trying to increase supply and make nursing work was an obsession. For almost a week, it is literally all we did. The SNS was such a pain--it would take FOREVER to get him latched with both the tube and nipple in his mouth. We would both get so frustrated. Then, once we'd finally get it to work, he'd nurse for anywhere from 20-45 minutes. Then, I'd pump for about 30. And, then he'd be ready to nurse about 20 minutes later. I was so sore--the pain, almost indescribable. I was a mess!
His latch never got better; it wasn't getting easier. And, so at just over two weeks old, we stopped nursing. 

  

Again, it broke my heart. We didn't know what else to do. It wasn't working. But, I did still want him to get whatever "liquid gold" that he could, so I continued to take the herbs and pump. Religiously. Every 2-3 hours round the clock--even setting an alarm in the middle of the night. I was desperate to make sure that he could still get what little I produced. And by little, I mean 2-3 ounces. PER DAY. Not 2-3 ounces per breast, not per pumping session. 2-3 ounces per 24 hour period. TOTAL. I produced about a .25 ounce - .5 ounce each time I pumped. I saved this milk and he got one small liquid gold bottle a day until he got older...then it was just mixed in with his formula.

This went on for 4 months. I was obsessive about it and it stressed me out. The term "crying over spilled milk" never had more meaning until one night when I accidentally dropped the open bottle of the 3 ounces I had worked so hard for that day. You would have thought someone died. I. LOST. IT. Irrational? Over-emotional? A wee bit crazy? Yes, yes, and yes. But, so terribly true and real. Spilling that bottle of milk was actually physically painful.

My new teaching job started when he was 4 months old and I went back to work. The plan was to continue pumping. But, I couldn't do it as often and the little supply I had was cut in half. Working that hard for a little over 1 ounce in 24 hours was my cut off. My time and sanity were more important than one ounce. So, at 4 months, my first breast feeding experience ended.

Now, the hope was that things would be different with #2...

(Part 4 continues tomorrow)
Whole series: 
Part 1
Part 2  
Part 3 
Part 4 
Part 5
 

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Work...Part 2

This is the second of a series of posts about breastfeeding and my very personal experience with it. If you haven't read Part 1, it might help to start here.
 

It was a Saturday morning and the Pediatrician's office doesn't normally see new patients. In fact, they said we just needed to wait until our scheduled appointment. But, we persisted; they sensed our desperation and agreed to see us. He was weighed and was down a pound from birth...and he was jaundice. Then the screaming began. Inconsolable screaming.  The nurse asked if my milk had come in. I asked, "how would I know"? (not sarcastically, like genuinely, HOW would I know?) She said, "Oh you'd know". So, clearly then, no my milk had not come in (this was 4 days after birth). They said he was screaming because he really needed to eat. I said I had just nursed him before we came. The nurse said that since it had been 4 days and I had no milk, he really needed food. They gave us a small bottle to try. He attacked the bottle like a velociraptor and I watched him suck that little tiny bottle dry in seconds. The screaming stopped. My parents were right. The nurse was right. My gut instinct was right. He was hungry starving! It broke my heart.
In addition to starving him, my lack of milk led to a jaundiced little guy. The doctor was concerned. Immediately from there, we had to go to a lab to get his levels tested (thankfully, they ended up being just low enough to avoid any treatment other than food & sunlight at home). Before we left though, we talked to the doctor about the feeding issues. She explained that sometimes first-time mom's milk just comes in a little late. It would probably be in by that night--the next day at the latest. Her advice: continue nursing as often as he will do so. But, since I had no milk in and because of his jaundice, we would need to supplement. 
So, the day went on, we continued nursing, but supplemented afterward. Thankfully, the screaming had subsided.

The night came--no milk. Sunday came (now 5 days after delivery)--still no noticeable milk; still a baby that was a huge struggle to get latched on; still a baby that wouldn't nurse for more than a few minutes (despite repeated attempts to reposition, relatch, wake-up, etc). On Tuesday, we had our previously scheduled pediatric appointment. The focus was almost entirely on nursing. She asked about engorgement--um no. About leaking...again no. About sensations of letdown...what was that?! Clearly, there were some issues going on. Time to see the lactation consultant again.
We couldn't get in until Friday--10 days after delivery. Not ideal (and in hindsight, a BIG issue). In the meantime, I was reading all my breastfeeding books, pamphlets, etc. to try to seek out answers. And everything made me feel like a failure. If your supply is low: "you're not nursing enough, not drinking enough water; not eating enough; not sleeping enough, too stressed"--the list went on and on of what "I was doing wrong".  Only one resource I had even suggested that some women might not produce enough milk--and even at that, it was only a small paragraph. No tips on what to do or how to fix it.
Failing isn't something I handle well--your stereotypical "first-born, perfectionist, straight-A student." I was devastated. That may sound overly dramatic for something like breastfeeding, but it's true. My mom was concerned and stayed with us longer than anticipated and I remember collapsing into my husband's arms--bawling tears of failure and guilt more than once. This natural process that "every woman's body is made to do"--that was "BEST" for my baby and I couldn't do it. If you've never been there, the agony is hard to explain. And, maybe for some, it's not as painful as it was for me. But, knowing that I wasn't succeeding at this "natural process", and then being told by every source imaginable that failure to do so would be detrimental to the well-being of my precious little baby, was horrible. 
My only hope was that the lactation consultant would have a magic solution...

(join us for Part 3 tomorrow)
Whole series: 
Part 1
Part 2  
Part 3 
Part 4 
Part 5
 

When Breastfeeding Doesn't Work...Part 1

This is the beginning of a series of posts about breastfeeding and my very personal experience with it. It's a sensitive topic for me, but one that has been on my heart to share...
 
The summer of 2006 forever changed our lives as we discovered I was pregnant with our first child! Of the myriad of questions, opinions, and advice that swirled around, many  centered around feeding. It was never a question for me--of course I would nurse! The health benefits, the bonding, the money-savings--a no brainer! 
The pregnancy progressed with no complications (for which I am extremely grateful). It was very much like how "the books" describe. All except for one thing...my breasts. In the beginning, they weren't overly tender. In fact, not really at all. As time went one, they weren't getting any bigger--like NOT.AT.ALL. In fact, I wore my same bra the entire time. Initially, I didn't think anything of it. But, as time went on and we neared the end, I kept having that gut feeling like something wasn't right. 
At the ripe 'ole age of 26, the majority of my friends hadn't experienced pregnancy yet and talking about your breasts isn't exactly something that just "comes up" in conversation. So, I didn't have a lot of people to talk to about it. I asked my mom, but her experience was nothing like what I was describing. She was "normal". I mentioned it to my doctor, but she didn't seem concerned. Her response (to many of my questions) was "everyone's body is different". A very true statement indeed, but one that irked me just a bit. 
I tried to squelch that gut feeling and continued with my breastfeeding plans--creams, pads, & pump purchased and all registered for our breast feeding class about a month before my due date! As I sat in the class, I couldn't help but notice what all the moms' breasts in the video looked like--NOT mine. That gut feeling was there. After all the other parents left, I approached the nurse/lactation consultant who taught the class. I explained my concerns. She asked about leaking. I almost laughed at loud--"um...no!" She was the first to share my concern and admitted those weren't good signs. But, did also assure me that "everyone's body is different" and we wouldn't know for sure until after the baby was born. 
So, Big Brother's birthday came--an induction at almost 41 weeks. My beautiful baby boy was finally here!

 

We had some issues with latching and positioning--all the seemingly normal difficulties in getting the hang of nursing. But again, something didn't seem right...he didn't seem to be latching well, wouldn't nurse for longer than 10 minutes, and quite frankly seemed to be getting nothing. I saw 4 lactation consultants in the hospital--some even tried to hand express colostrum. We saw nothing. The solution--nurse more & lots of contact. So, we did. 

 

We were discharged 40 hours after his birth and his weight was down 13 ounces. The next day was one of the hardest days in my memory. Every time he latched, I cried, tears of immense pain & frustration streaming down my face. It hurt. A LOT. I'd read that it would be hard, but this didn't seem right. This seemed TOO hard. But, I kept latching him...and crying...and then, within minutes, he was screaming. He screamed...and screamed...and screamed some more. My parents who were visiting kept telling me he was hungry. But, I JUST "fed" him!!! This continued through Friday night, when he wouldn't stay latched for long at all and then screamed for hours straight. I was having a full-fledged panic attack and he would NOT stop screaming...in fact, there were talks of going to the ER. The rest of the night is a blur, I don't know what happened, but I do know that we called the pediatricians' office first thing in the morning... 

Stay tuned for Part 2 tomorrow!...
Whole series: 
Part 1
Part 2  
Part 3 
Part 4 
Part 5